Distress Tolerance
Willingness vs. Willfulness
Spot where willfulness is keeping you stuck and sketch the willing attitudes and actions that move you back into effective behavior.
Tip: jot notes below, then print or “Save as PDF.”
How to practice it
Move through each step slowly. Notice what the skill asks for and how you can experiment in real life.
1
Describe the Situation
Outline the context where you feel rigid, rebellious, or checked out.
2
List Willful Responses
Note thoughts (“I won’t”), emotions (anger, stubbornness), body language (crossed arms), and actions (stonewalling, quitting) that show willfulness.
3
Identify Costs of Willfulness
Capture how willfulness affects goals, relationships, health, or self-respect.
4
Design Willing Alternatives
Choose attitudes and behaviors that accept reality and act effectively—open posture, “I can try,” collaborating, asking for help.
5
Plan a Willing Experiment
Set one concrete willing action to try this week. Include when, where, and how you’ll remind yourself to practice.
Real-world examples
Try spotting moments like these in your week. Notice how the skill changes the ripple effect of a tough situation.
Therapy homework resistance
Willful: “It’s pointless,” procrastinating, eye-rolling. Cost: slower progress. Willing: acknowledge fear, schedule 10-minute task block, tell therapist the hardest part.
Work feedback
Willful: “They’re wrong,” shutting down. Cost: missed growth. Willing: listen fully, ask clarifying questions, pilot one suggestion for a week.
Practice Activity
Complete the worksheet whenever you feel dug in. Check in afterward to note what changed when you practiced willingness.
Where is willfulness appearing right now?
How is it impacting your goals or relationships?
What would willingness look like in this situation?
What reminder or cue will help you stay willing this week?
Want to practice distress tolerance with the WithMarsha app?
WithMarsha guides you through this skill in real time, keeps track of your practice, and helps you build your DBT toolkit day by day.
Download WithMarsha