Distress Tolerance
Pros & Cons of Acting vs. Not Acting
Pros & Cons helps you slow an urge by weighing what happens if you act vs. if you ride it out—both short-term and long-term.
Tip: jot notes below, then print or “Save as PDF.”
How to practice it
Move through each step slowly. Notice what the skill asks for and how you can experiment in real life.
1
Define the urge or behavior
Name the action you are tempted to take (texting an ex, quitting your job, self-harm, skipping therapy).
2
List short-term pros and cons of acting
Be honest about the relief or payoff—and the immediate fallout—you’d experience if you follow through.
3
List long-term pros and cons of acting
Look past the first few hours. How would acting affect your goals, relationships, self-respect, or stability next week or next year?
4
List pros and cons of NOT acting
Identify the discomfort you’d sit with if you resist, and the long-term wins you get from staying on track.
Real-world examples
Try spotting moments like these in your week. Notice how the skill changes the ripple effect of a tough situation.
You want to ghost a friend after a misunderstanding. Short-term pros: avoid awkward talk. Short-term cons: anxiety about messages. Long-term pros of ghosting: none. Long-term cons: lose a solid friendship. Pros of not ghosting: repair a good relationship; cons: uncomfortable conversation. You decide the discomfort is worth the long-term trust.
You’re tempted to binge eat. Acting gives short-term numbness but long-term shame and health setbacks. Not acting brings short-term agitation but long-term confidence in your goals. You choose to text a DBT buddy instead.
Practice Activity
Fill in the matrix for an urge you experience often. Keep it handy so you can review when the urge appears.
What urge or behavior are you analyzing?
Short-term pros of acting? Short-term cons?
Long-term pros of acting? Long-term cons?
Short-term pros of NOT acting? Long-term pros?
Want to practice distress tolerance with the WithMarsha app?
WithMarsha guides you through this skill in real time, keeps track of your practice, and helps you build your DBT toolkit day by day.
Download WithMarsha