Interpersonal Effectiveness
Interpersonal Conflict Problem Solving
Blend DEAR MAN, GIVE, FAST, and problem-solving steps to resolve conflicts while protecting relationships and self-respect.
Tip: jot notes below, then print or “Save as PDF.”
How to practice it
Move through each step slowly. Notice what the skill asks for and how you can experiment in real life.
1
Clarify the Conflict
Describe the issue, each person’s goals, and what triggered the tension. Identify safety or power concerns.
2
Choose Priorities
Rank objective, relationship, and self-respect goals. Decide which DBT skills (DEAR MAN, GIVE, FAST) to emphasize.
3
Brainstorm Options
Generate solutions that address everyone’s needs. Include compromises, timelines, or outside support.
4
Evaluate Pros & Cons
For each option, note the impact on your goals, the relationship, and feasibility.
5
Plan the Conversation
Script key DEAR MAN lines, plan validation (GIVE), and affirm self-respect (FAST). Schedule time/place and supports.
6
Follow Up & Review
After the conversation, document outcomes, emotional responses, and next steps if needed.
Real-world examples
Try spotting moments like these in your week. Notice how the skill changes the ripple effect of a tough situation.
Example – Shared project conflict
Conflict: teammate missing deadlines. Priorities: objective = high, relationship = medium. Options: renegotiate tasks, set check-ins, involve manager. Plan: DEAR MAN request + GIVE tone, follow-up email summary.
Practice Activity
Complete the worksheet for your next conflict. Debrief afterward to capture wins and improvements.
Which priority drove your strategy?
What solution balanced both parties’ needs?
How did DEAR MAN, GIVE, FAST show up in the conversation?
What future follow-up or repair is needed?
Want to practice interpersonal effectiveness with the WithMarsha app?
WithMarsha guides you through this skill in real time, keeps track of your practice, and helps you build your DBT toolkit day by day.
Download WithMarsha