Interpersonal Effectiveness
Clarifying Interpersonal Goals
Identify whether your priority is the objective, the relationship, or self-respect before you enter a conversation.
Tip: jot notes below, then print or “Save as PDF.”
How to practice it
Move through each step slowly. Notice what the skill asks for and how you can experiment in real life.
1
Define the Situation
Summarize who you’re interacting with, what prompted the conversation, and why it matters.
2
Objective Effectiveness (DEAR MAN)
Ask: What do I want them to do or agree to? How important is the outcome? What happens if I don’t get it?
3
Relationship Effectiveness (GIVE)
Ask: How do I want the other person to feel about me afterward? What keeps this relationship strong in the long run?
4
Self-Respect Effectiveness (FAST)
Ask: How do I want to feel about myself after? Which values or boundaries must I uphold?
5
Set Your Priority & Strategy
Decide which goal ranks first, second, third. Note the DBT skills (DEAR MAN, GIVE, FAST) you’ll emphasize accordingly.
Real-world examples
Try spotting moments like these in your week. Notice how the skill changes the ripple effect of a tough situation.
Example A – Negotiating workload
Situation: Ask manager to rebalance tasks. Priority: Objective first, then relationship, then self-respect. Strategy: Lead with DEAR MAN, use GIVE to keep rapport, close with FAST to stay truthful.
Example B – Repairing with a friend
Situation: Apologize for missing their celebration. Priority: Relationship, then self-respect, then objective. Strategy: GIVE focus, gentle tone, validation, while naming one boundary.
Practice Activity
Complete the worksheet for two conversations you expect this week. Revisit afterward to see if your priority matched the outcome.
What is the core objective? How critical is it?
What does a strong relationship look like in this context?
Which self-respect values are non-negotiable?
Which DBT skills will you emphasize first, second, third?
Want to practice interpersonal effectiveness with the WithMarsha app?
WithMarsha guides you through this skill in real time, keeps track of your practice, and helps you build your DBT toolkit day by day.
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