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Clarifying Interpersonal Goals
Clarifying Interpersonal Goals is a worksheet for identifying whether a conversation should prioritize your objective, the relationship, or self-respect.
What this worksheet is for
Clarifying Interpersonal Goals is a worksheet for identifying whether a conversation should prioritize your objective, the relationship, or self-respect.
How to use it
- Read the full skill once before writing.
- Use the examples below to spot where it fits real life.
- Complete the reflection page using the answers you already typed or by writing directly on the PDF.
At a glance
Primary topic: clarifying interpersonal goals worksheet
Worksheet type: Support worksheet
How to practice it
Define the Situation
Summarize who you’re interacting with, what prompted the conversation, and why it matters.
Objective Effectiveness (DEAR MAN)
Ask: What do I want them to do or agree to? How important is the outcome? What happens if I don’t get it?
Relationship Effectiveness (GIVE)
Ask: How do I want the other person to feel about me afterward? What keeps this relationship strong in the long run?
Self-Respect Effectiveness (FAST)
Ask: How do I want to feel about myself after? Which values or boundaries must I uphold?
Set Your Priority & Strategy
Decide which goal ranks first, second, third. Note the DBT skills (DEAR MAN, GIVE, FAST) you’ll emphasize accordingly.
Real-world examples
Example A – Negotiating workload
Situation: Ask manager to rebalance tasks. Priority: Objective first, then relationship, then self-respect. Strategy: Lead with DEAR MAN, use GIVE to keep rapport, close with FAST to stay truthful.
Example B – Repairing with a friend
Situation: Apologize for missing their celebration. Priority: Relationship, then self-respect, then objective. Strategy: GIVE focus, gentle tone, validation, while naming one boundary.
Before you write
Pick one situation you are actually likely to face this week. The activity page works best when you complete it for a real moment instead of a hypothetical one.
Worksheet activity
Practice Activity
Complete the worksheet for two conversations you expect this week. Revisit afterward to see if your priority matched the outcome.
Reflect and write
What is the core objective? How critical is it?
What does a strong relationship look like in this context?
Which self-respect values are non-negotiable?
Which DBT skills will you emphasize first, second, third?